Posts Tagged ‘wild’


3 of 5 Boring-As-Shit Stars – Wild, starring Reese Witherspoon.

My wife dragged me to this fucking movie. I didn’t want to see it. I violently objected to seeing it, but she was adamant about it. And guess who wins in pretty much every argument? The one with the pussy. Duh.

So, I’m stuck in this goddamn theatre, watching this movie, trying my hardest to NOT fall asleep. I fucking swear, it was like sitting in church, when I was 5 years old. Always falling asleep to the sermon. My mom always smacking me upside the head, to wake up, or she swears to fucking God, she’s going to kill me when we get home. Very Christian, my mom.

The wife smacks me upside the head for the umteenth time, trying to wake me up, in the theatre. Throws popcorn at me. Even punches me in the junk once or twice. Okay, fine. I’ll pay attention. Goddamnit.

This movie is about some stupid spoiled whore, who goes on a fucking walkabout, for no apparent reason. Okay, maybe her boyfriend left her or something. I don’t fucking know, because I wasn’t paying much attention. So she’s wandering around in the California desert, starving to death. Thirsty as fuck. Without a plan, or a brain in her fucking head.

She decides to quit. So she finds a dirt road, and hitchhikes. An old redneck comes by, and I was hoping he would rape the shit out of her. But no. He just takes her back to meet his lovely wife, and they have dinner. Damn. Where’s the conflict, man? What the fuck? Give me something. Some kind of hardship, for fuck’s sake.

The stupid cunt decides to continue her walkabout, for whatever reason. And the movie just drags on from there. She meets more people who might rape her, but they never do. So disappointing.

If you don’t like being bored to tears, I’d suggest watching Wolf Creek instead. Because at least in that backpacking movie, there’s plenty of rape and torture. Thank fucking God.

Follow me on Twitter & Facebook