The Theory of Everything – made me cry, dammit

Posted: February 8, 2015 in Drama
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4 of 5 Black-Hole Stars – The Theory of Everything starring, well nobody, really.

This movie had me crying like a fucking baby, all throughout the goddamn movie. Hawking’s struggle was so well portrayed by the actors, and the filmmakers. It felt so real. I mean, I could feel the struggle, in my heart.

And while I was being awed by the determination that Hawking had, I felt like a useless fuck, myself. I mean, if this guy can write several books, at 4 words per minute, what the bloody fuck am I doing with my life? It made me feel so goddamn inadequate, and fucking useless.

Here I am, able bodied as can be, and I accomplish absolutely nothing. While Hawking goes on being a motherfucking professor, writing books, and giving lectures, like a boss. The guy is a fucking rock star. It was absolutely amazing to watch on screen. I mean, how can anyone even get up in front of a crowded lecture hall and speak like that? The balls on this guy. It’s fucking amazing.

And then the love… That bitch Jane made me cry like a little girl, as well. When she learned of his illness, and just refused to let it stand between them, that shit was amazing. But I knew it wasn’t going to last. When that hunk Johnathan came into the picture, helping out with Hawking, and all that, I fucking knew he was going to fall in love with Jane.

Because, how long can you really put up with taking care of a guy like Hawking. Sure, he’s a brilliant motherfucking rock star, but my God, man… The work that poor girl had to do every day, just to get the guy out of bed. Feed him breakfast. Brush his fucking teeth. Fuck that, man. Get a real guy.

I couldn’t feel sorry for Hawking, when she left him. I mean, sure, I cried when they finally had the realization that it wasn’t going to work out. But that shit was coming on for years. It was inevitable. Plus, you could tell that Hawking just wanted to bang porn stars, anyway. Because the man was reading Penthouse, for fuck’s sake. And he’s a motherfucking rock star. So he’s got hot-ass groupies, just begging to suck that smart dick.

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